Thursday, May 4

101 random things bout me

so i suck at organizing my thoughts, and this is my excuse. 101 random things about me. pretty long read so i beg your indulgence.
1. i'm 25 and u know what they say about quarter-life crisis. guess i'm in one. so much for a starter. been losing sleep over two things at this point: abroad or home?
2. it’s always been the latter. grew up with simple dreams, my ultimate one being to wear a white tube gown (no laces/beadwork) on my wedding of 50 guests while they play "true" (pretty woman), 4 kids and pink bougainvilleas on a white fence.
3. become a housewife (and make money out of writing or i’m sure i could come up with something, having diverse interests and all)
4. maybe teach part-time or take photographs or make lampshades or beaded accessories or plan simple weddings…
5. marriage excites me. i get thrilled about brushing our teeth together, and watching him while he’s asleep and fixing his tie, and packing his lunch, and the goodbye kiss when he goes away for work.
6. i’ve this weird feeling i’ll get married this year (???)
7. then lately i’ve this feeling it’s a road called spinsterhood.
8. maybe i’d be better off pursuing my career than be pregnant and domesticated.
9. now i'm trying to get a visa. exhaust options that’d land me in canada, or new york (like carrie bradshaw who i love). suddenly i felt like there's a world of opportunities outside, and it would be a waste to deprive myself of them.
10. i love new york for it’s beautiful autumn. i’ve this fantasy of taking a walk in central park while fallen brown leaves follow my steps.
11. i love the color of autumn, makes me feel defenseless. i like to feel that way sometimes. just fall like the leaves do.
12. i’m a cpa. been working my ass for 4 years and i’m still broke. i wanna blame the economy but i guess i brought it upon myself. shopaholic story.
13. i lose control over shoes and books. it’s become my anti-depressant and i’ve been down rather frequently. oh-oh…
14. shoes. yes imelda. i’ve a closet of shoe boxes. they say u’ve gotta invest in shoes coz a good pair will get you to places.
15. my feet is a size 5 ½. don’t know what it says bout my personality but i sometimes think it’s the reason why i’ve a lot of catching up to do with my life at 25. little feet, little steps. and it’s hard to find a pair coz it’s usually a 5 or a 6.
16. books. i’ve been reading them since sweet valley kids days. now i’ve a 175/200 vision.
17. i’ve a pair of eyeglasses which i only wear when i’m seated at the back (i’m nearsighted). it’s just that when i wear one, i can see everything clearly. sometimes i’d still like to be surprised.
18. so my optha said i could wear contacts. no way. i feel like the lens will poke through my eyeball.
19. my favorite place to spend sunday is powerbooks.
20. books i read: travel books, (auto)biographies, interior design, dan brown- kind-of-stories, mitch albom’s, some of paolo coehlo’s, pablo neruda. (i read basically everything except school books).
21. my favorite book is j.d. salinger’s catcher in the rye because it reminds me of my guy best friend.
22. my guy best friend. during his birthday last year, i asked him what gift he’d like. he said i should just read catcher in the rye. so i did, and it was like a gift to myself too.
23. i don’t really save. i’ve a couple of insurance plans that i got only because in case i die i wanted to leave something for my family. but i don’t save big time (for myself). i always think that we shouldn’t deprive ourselves to save for the future coz the future isn’t really something guaranteed for all of us (haha..lousy excuse for having a quadruple digit savings acct after 4 years of employment).
24. i like crossing the bridge when i get to it. used to have post-its around me, and timetables, but having self-imposed deadlines make me lose sleep sometimes. so now my fave word is spontaneity. i feel at peace.
25. sometimes i don’t like having my watch on, it feels like i’m in a chase with time and i can’t even enjoy the moment.
26. i only drink coffee because of the conversation. my cardio says my heart doesn’t like caffeine. but i still drink some, if only to get together with friends.
27. i’m a sucker for good conversations. i wanna grow old with someone i could talk to even with closed eyes.
28. used to smoke (though i’ve asthma). but that’s only because when i do, my head feels light (my thoughts seem to weigh more than my skull).
29. like carrie bradshaw, it’s marlboro lights. but ever since my roommate got pregnant, i tried to quit. so now it’s only about 3 sticks in a month.
30. also used to pass out coz of too much alcohol (liked tequila becoz of the lemon and the salt). good thing now i can't stand the smell of any alcoholic drink. i usually order four seasons instead.
31. i recently found out i love milk so i take 2 glasses of it a day. now i ask myself, what took me so long?
32. my blood type is A. nothing significant really except that i can only receive from type A and O and help save the life of a type AB, though i doubt if i’d be allowed to give out blood.
33. the reason i got recalled in my last medical exams was that i was underweight.
34. i’m pretty slim, but my tummy is hideous. the last time i was in my two-piece, ah 3 layers showed. i’ve to get back to yoga. i had beautiful abs then.
35. recently conquered my fear of taking the plunge (with a life vest, i meant to add that). now i love snorkeling. think i’m gonna try diving soon. but i guess i’ve to work on my swimming skills. i know how to swim only when my feet touches the bottom.
36. love the beach. pools make me feel trapped. the sea makes me think some things never end.
37. i also think the sound of the waves is God’s lullabye.
38. i’m the eldest among our sibs of 3, the shortest too at 5’1”.
39. my brother two years younger than me is an undergrad who co-owns a large photography biz that’s making money many times bigger than i do. he says when i do get married he’d give me 50% off (if and when i do get married).
40. my sister (our youngest) hopes to become a nurse and go to the states. i’ve this thought that she’ll be the one to bring me to new york, new york.
41. my mom is a midwife who brings out an average of 10 babies per month, make that 120 per year. half of them, she becomes the ninang so the next time the mommies deliver again, they’ll get a discount (that’s just my theory). but my mom is the best in town. she could run for mayor and win if she could only stand politics. she thinks it’s dirty. good idea.
42. my dad recently retired from service. been a policeman for almost half of his life. when people say rude things bout policemen i get annoyed becoz I know my dad and he’s a good man.
43. i’m a daddy’s girl. now i’m teary-eyed.
44. i’m single too. (been saying it’s a preference but that’s only to save my pride).
45. you see last christmas, my siblings’ phones kept ringing, their sweethearts calling to greet them. my dad teased why my phone was on silent mode. i said it didn’t make any difference.
46. i’ve had up to ex# 5. the longest was 1 year, shortest was 16 days. all of them are either married or so much in love now.
47. makes me wonder maybe there’s something wrong with me. when i love i lose all reasons.
48. it’s like when i love, i wanna get married. i scare them off.
49. i often say forever when i love someone. i share my best friend in his theory that forever is in the past and not in the future. when you say forever, right at that moment when you meant it with all your heart, it’s never gonna change, that’s forever. makes sense?
50. my life gets rearranged to fit my man in the plan. so it’s really painful every time a relationship ends. imagine i’ve reorganized my life for five times already.
51. i’m not hard to love. i’m not even the high-maintenance type u bring to posh dinners. so why do i get dumped a few times already?
52. ex # 4 said I was too nice for him and i deserve someone better. (oh, the only excuse he can come up with)? one month later he got married.
53. ex # 5 said he found somebody nicer. (a couple of months later, he leaves “ms. nicer” for “ms. nicest”. so what, the next would be ms. beautiful?
54. i’m bitter about it. but my friends tell me i do deserve somebody better. it’s part of my constant prayer these days.
55. also part of my worries. i’ve had my chance before. my first love loved me so much, that even when he was abroad, he never changed his mind. it was i who did.
56. i honestly never thought i’d be singing sad to belong or somewhere down the road or bakit ngayon ka lang. but when I met ex # 2, it was our song.
57. ex # 2 loved me even more. but he loved me too much. too much of anything isn’t really good. he got married last january.
58. wait, i forgot to mention. ex # 1 was like the perfect gentleman. would you believe we never got to kiss on the lips? the day before he left for the states, i’ve been praying he would. but he kissed my cheeks instead.
59. that time i knew he was the man i’d marry. (if only i waited..)
60. so my first real kiss was with ex # 2.
61. i don’t like french kiss. i’d like a light kiss. soft. lingering.
62. i just don’t see anything romantic about sharing saliva.
63. i’m a romantic. i daydream a lot. i’ve this fantasy in my mind that the next time a man would make me cry, i could finally say to myself, ah so this is why they say too much happiness can make you cry.
64. for a while i’ve been hooked to korean films/soaps.
65. i love dvd marathons. my faves: alias, 24, desperate housewives, one tree hill and grey’s anatomy.
66. i love grey’s anatomy coz it’s about doctors and i’d secretly want to become one coz i think it’s the noblest profession on earth to be able to save lives and give answers but i couldn’t coz i freak out with blood.
67. the thing that excites me about getting married is the part where you no longer have to sleep on the middle of the bed out of fear that a ghost might try to sleep beside you coz you know you already have a better half.
68. i’ve a closet filled with stuffed bears and puppies and dolphins etc, 80% of which reminds me of my ex# 1 to ex # 5 coz they all gave them to me.
69. i make a lot of scrapbooks. i think the camera is one of the greatest inventions of mankind.
70. i've never held a baby in my arms. not sure whether it's becoz i'm scared i might crush those little bones or i'm more scared of the pain of wanting to have one of my own.

71. loved the rain the most when my first love had only one umbrella, and it was small and we had to walk around campus grounds and he said he loved me.
72. now i get sad when it rains because I’ve an umbrella and it’s too big for me.
73. i only love watching while the rain pounds hard onto the windshield and the wiper swabs it away. somehow i feel soothed.
74. i hate it when the rain touches my toes.
75. i love the moon. now people have an explanation for my eccentricity. but seriously i love it becoz it makes me believe that there’s no such thing as out-of-reach.
76. my favorite word is “soon”. don’t like the word “sorry”.
77. i also love the rock when big angry waves crash against it and it never breaks. want my man to have the same strength.
78. i’m a crybaby.
79. but i guess being a crybaby doesn’t equate to being weak. i think it’s just a case of my lachrymal glands being a little loose and the nice feeling of release.
80. being weak in my opinion is choosing to be safe, or being scared to try. like you don’t want to ride a plane coz u’re thinking it might crash. u shut ur heart out coz u’re afraid u might get hurt again.
81. by this definition you’re looking at one brave woman. there was never a time i had second thoughts about getting involved out of fear of getting hurt.
82. i can deal with the pain, though it usually takes a while. but to let chance slip away to protect myself from losing, it scars pretty badly i think. those what ifs never really leave.
83. my favorite line in a song is jason mraz’ 1000 things:

See, I've always wanted to kiss you
But I, I always wanted to run from you
Because I've always wanted to miss you
And I, I always wanted to come for you

84. i think the sweetest thing a guy would do for me is tuck my hair behind my ears with that loving look in his eyes.
85. the sweetest thing an ex did for me was to stay in the phone (until he lost his credits) when one midnight i woke up from a terrible nightmare. the next day he sends his best friend to give me a stuffed puppy and a rosary.
86. people say don’t give rosaries to the one you love coz you’d end up losing the person. i thought it was absurd, but looking back it made a little sense to me (or maybe i’m desperate for an explanation on the short-termness of my relationships). gave them rosaries and see what happened.
87. the sweetest thing i ever did for an ex was write a song for him on our 7th monthsary.
88. oh i think this also qualifies as “sweetest”. for nine early mornings, ex # 4 would wait by my stairways and we’d have simbang gabi together.
89. i love writing love letters. i love wrapping gifts more than opening them.
90. every time i pass by a bridge, i hold my breath and make a silent wish until we get to the other end. it’s always been the same wish.
91. i believe in second chances.
92. i don’t read my (ex) boyfriends’ cell phone. i value trust a lot.
93. sometimes i pray so hard my eyes get damp.
94.i can go really sexy with dressing up, but i’ve an old-fashioned heart.
95. i love bamboo and cheese escudero. u think they look alike?
96. i’ve a short-term memory. but a very wild imagination. sometimes i worry.
97. i believe in karma. i can’t really be happy on account of others.
98. i watch movies alone not really becoz i’ve no company but becoz some movies make me cry and i’d feel silly sobbing in front of people i know.
99. sometimes i’d rather open up with a complete stranger.
100. i still believe in happy endings.
101. told you I suck at organizing my thoughts. =)


Blogger Dads said...

it's pretty long. i'll read it at home! my eyes are too tired now. it's pretty interesting, huh! :)

5:54 PM  
Blogger Dads said...

hei malu! parang nakilala kita ng husto coz of this post! i find it really cute :) ang tiyaga mo, girl! :D

7:44 PM  

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