Wednesday, May 31

ex stories

I find myself absorbed in one of Raven’s post about ex talks. It suddenly revived thoughts about Ex #5 again, albeit this time, allow me to say that mentioning his name doesn’t anymore hurt as it used to.

I found myself in a similar situation just last Saturday (although people who were talking about my ex definitely knew he was my ex. As I told you, I was invited to this pool party of my former company (where Ex# 5 works).

The good news was that it was a gathering of purely Finance people (my ex was in Sales), so I was pretty secure I wouldn’t have to face the awkward feeling of bumping into him, who quite possibly would be walking with his current flame (as the new girl happens to be also one of my former colleagues— ahh, the world is absolutely getting smaller & smaller).

I don’t really mind seeing them together.

But when I think about how people around would start teasing me and him and her and make a feast out of our circumstance, that’s when I tell myself I’d be better off invisible. People there could be really merciless.

Anyway Raven’s question goes:

What do you do when people are starting to talk about your ex?

I think I’d like to revise it a bit.

What would you rather hear people say about your ex? The good or the bad?

Hmmn..

The bad things make me look like a loser (for putting up with another loser) while the good things make me feel like it was my loss after all

.It’s like wherever I choose to stand, I’d never win.

When my friends rage about my ex’s eternal discontent with girls, it upsets me. To use Raven’s words, “It seems like a poor reflection on my choice of men”.

It makes me look pathetic, and desperate. Like a smart girl who dropped her wits somewhere.

They’d look at me with questioning eyes “have you actually run out of men?” Then as if it weren’t enough, one would have to add “I wouldn’t take him even if he were the last man on earth”.

The worst comment somebody ever had about my ex was that he was a “pokpok” (prostitute). Like if he ever sees a post with a skirt, he’d definitely go for it.

Then I heard something like, “Do you have a medicine or something, I think it’s already a disease (he was referring to my ex who was flirting with another girl again).

How bad could that be, hearing people especially my close friends talk that way about my ex. I’m thinking if words were daggers, my ex would have been murdered, bloody and unrecognizable by now.

But you see, more than the disgust they feel, I hate the way they take pity on me. Like I was a victim or something. Like I was a fool or worse.

From the start everybody was warning me against him, his notoriety for being a perpetual flirt.

But I honestly fell in love with him, and I could swear I’ve been the happiest when we were together.

People tease me, that love is blind.

It wasn’t the case for me. My eyes were wide open. It was just a case of being able to see past his imperfections and accept him for who he was.

It didn’t matter to me that he had a squeaky voice, or that he never knew his father, or that he looked funny when he plays basketball, or that he doesn’t wear perfume (except when I gave him one on his birthday, and another when we broke up) or that he had a frightening temper or that his surname sounds like an antibiotic (which would make me Mrs. Antibiotic in the future).

What I truly cared about was that he made me feel loved.

Then one day he decides he’s changed his mind.

It was the most painful thing a man can ever do to the woman he claims he loves.

My friends wouldn’t say it, but the kind of expression they all wore says something like “we told you so”. Or “You should be grateful you didn’t have to suffer for long”. Or “Blessing in disguise”.

I couldn’t agree at first.

I remember the song “I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else” and the more I play it in my mind, the more certain I had become, that I can well put up with anything just to keep his love.

Then he goes back to his ex of 4 years. Their photo says “Together forever and never to part”. In between that, he was also trying his charm on another ex-colleague. Then after 3 months, he falls in love with another former colleague.

I didn’t want to believe my friends were right. But they were right.

Having people say ill things about him makes losing him worth it, I thought. But if it’s worth it, why does it upset me?

On the other hand when I hear people comment about his behavior towards his recent girl “He treats her like a princess”. Or “He’s so in love right now”. Or “He’s changed.” Or “This is it”, I get confused.

Somehow I hear a little voice in my mind wishing it could have been me. It’s like every good thing I hear about him makes me think I wasn’t good enough to be given up over someone better.

But that’s if I were to be selfish.

I think more than anything, I should be happy for him.

Seeing that he’s changed now would certainly make losing him worth it.

Yeah. I think I’ve an answer to that.

I’d rather hear people say good things about him.



1 Comments:

Blogger Dads said...

:) smile na lang ako. :)

10:36 AM  

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