Sunday, May 14

Grey

Weekend was no fun. The storm hasn’t left yet, and the world is in my least favorite color. Grey.

And once again I’m alone. The rain comes pounding again. It’s like beating my already beaten heart. Now I go really mushy. Told you the rain always do that to me. Even if I’ve made up my mind just recently that the next time I’m gonna cry, it’s because I’m insanely happy, my smile leaks out of my eyes. I’ve actually reconciled to myself that I will have to wait for God’s own time but then it rains and I go weak and I cant fight the rain .

I was tempted to curl in bed and sleep the day off but I remembered I missed last Saturday’s dentist appointment so I had no excuse of missing it again (I think it was God's will coz if I stayed I'd end up having really bad eye bags).

But in any case, I still felt like the weather. Grey. Outside the wind was a little rough. The cold, as usual permeated through my bones and it was the kind of cold I hate. The one which makes you remember how it feels having nice, strong shoulders around you and give you summer days. (sigh)

I was in church hours ago. Alone of course. Then I see this guy holding his girl so tenderly (yet still tight like one of my favorite lines in Nicholas Spark's Message in a Bottle -"so tight that even God can't pull you away") I felt a lump in my throat, it was painful. It’s like I was desperately wishing that the stranger beside me would magically turn into someone I knew coz I could honestly use his/her shoulder right that moment. But magic doesn’t happen on rainy days. It was a stranger, the one next to me. And I had no tissue. Fighting my tears was exactly the way I feel right now. I long for a smoke, I’ve my stick but I’ve no light.

There was just something so affectionate about the way the guy held his girl. I think, if someone was gonna hold me again, it should be like that.

Rewind

About Friday night, I told you we were gonna rock the house. Well we did. And it was insane. I think the appropriate word would be HIGH. Just iced tea and I was like drugged and unstoppable. Im not sure if my energy has maybe shocked my girl friends coz I’m usually the reserved type (oh really now) . I’ve kindly accepted the truth that I don’t sing well so I settled for being the dancing queen. Then we had coffee and well, some pretty interesting conversation. Predictably what twenty-something girls talk over coffee: Love and relationships, what else.

Things like:
1. Having dehydrated lips at age 20+.
2. Or heart.
3. Why letting go is like dropping your favorite glass.
4. How you can actually love the person who has hurt you so many times.
5. How some of us have actually allowed men to define happiness for us.
6. How much a one-sided love hurts.
7. How to find that spark.
8. How to trust in God’s perfect time.

In the cab on my way home, I felt better. Having smoked and opened up my heart, I learned I was not the only 25-year old asking those questions.

1 Comments:

Blogger Dads said...

we totally brought the house down, last friday! sa uulitin! :)
too bad i had to leave agad, wasn't able to join u guys sa chikahan.

11:17 AM  

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