Thursday, May 25

life is beautiful

*long sigh * Oh life is good. It’s usually been a sigh that carries a lot of weight but now my heart is flying. I’ve already forgotten how great a sigh of relief feels. Oh life is darn good.

I don’t know. I woke up this morning feeling like my eyes will be dry for a while.

For the longest time I’ve allowed my past to possess me and kill me softly. I’ve been repeatedly lamenting on my failed relationships (nakakarindi na), sometimes indicting myself for either falling short of men’s expectations, or maybe expecting too much? (But that only makes me feel sorry for myself), so most of the times I’d think I may have just missed on the better men (now that makes me feel a whole lot better).

I even had to make up that list (occasions on which men have disappointed me) to convince myself at least that there was nothing in me to make up for coz I honestly knew I did my best. (Like James Ingram’s Just Once, awww).

I’ve worried so much about Saturday nights alone, or hearing mass alone, or dinner alone, or movie alone. I went as far as fretting about having arthritis without a partner to touch me, or dying with only my cats on my deathbed, (or dying a virgin hahaha) When my roommate says I love you to her husband before she sleeps, or when Dads goes home early to celebrate their monthsary or when a friend goes kilig over a love song, I just ache and my heart couldn’t decide whether it was of envy, self-pity or anger.

So I usually wake up with these fears. But not this morning.

I’ve been praying for it for a while, and I think now it’s fallen on me. Thank God.

Acceptance.

I think it was my resistance that got me incarcerated to my past.

I was too stubborn to accept the truth that things do end and sometimes just fighting is already enough. Or that it just wasn’t my time yet. I just wasn’t that good on letting go. It spelled like defeat for me, and it’s something I have trouble dealing with. I think it’s because I know too well I gave everything (which is the real trouble, because giving everything leaves you empty and a man loses interest on an empty person).

Anyway, as I was saying, I feel better now. (and it’s not me convincing myself here).

It suddenly dawned on me I’m a potential girl to love.

I have recently been able to “redeem” parts of my self-worth, and now I know I’m worth so much more (hmm…conceited eh).. Nah, people have made me realize that. Not to be smug about it, but some male friends think I’m a princess (now you’re talking!), and that those guys who dumped me, have dumped themselves. (I feel my head inflating here).

Seriously, I’ve received a little enlightenment from above.

1. Happiness is a choice.
2. There are a thousand ways to be happy.
3. We don’t always need a man to make us happy.
4. Singleness shouldn’t be a frustration.
5. Indulge in your freedom.
6. Being dateless isn’t being undesirable.
7. Breaking up shouldn’t make you feel broken.
8. Being alone makes you braver.
9. Your time will come.
10. Life is beautiful.

I love the last part. Life is beautiful!

1 Comments:

Blogger Dads said...

'atta girl! positivity brings good luck! sana magtuloy tuloy na.. and indeed, life is beautiful.. it's just simply amazing! :)

10:45 AM  

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