Friday, June 2

disappointed (again)

You thought you’d seen the last of those days when you’d let a man disappoint you.

Well you thought wrong, and it’s sad.

It’s sad especially when you break the hardened walls of your heart for somebody you believed you could trust.

You let him win your trust coz he asked for a chance.

You gave him a chance coz he vowed he would never disappoint you.

But now you find yourself pounding on your keys, controlling your eyes, trying to be calm. Well it looks like you’re gonna have to add this to the list you just made. (Occasions on which men have disappointed me)

You’re disappointed.

What an anti-climax to a supposedly great week.

It’s been a fairly beautiful life recently. When people ask you how you’ve been, it felt nice having to answer you’re good, and happy and that ex-talks don’t anymore succeed to make you cry.

You’ve learned to wait.

You’ve learned to trust the reason behind the failings of your previous relationships.

You’ve made “The Greater Scheme of Things” your song.

Your life was smooth sailing.

Then comes a knock. An old, familiar knock. A knock you once chose not to answer.

But this time you opened the door.

You had second thoughts at first, about tearing the fence down, the fence you’ve just built around your heart, but there was something soft about the way he knocked. Something secure. Something assuring.

Something that made you reach for the door and almost let him in.

You lowered your expectations. You taught yourself how to appreciate things. You started to listen. You opened your eyes.

You slowed down, so he could catch up.

You were nice.

You gave him the chance.

He made you feel like a princess.

For a second you thought you were safe. He was holding you. You’d never cry again.

Then he lies.

Then he disappoints you.

Just like everyone else did.

What can men do to you that they still haven’t done to you before?

It’s raining hard outside.

Sadly, in your heart too.


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