Friday, June 16

would you?

*continued*

So now my feet feel a little cold.

I’m not getting married, (though would you believe I just got a marriage proposal— I’m serious.).

It’s just that I’m bothered by the way my mind’s kinda splitting right now, when two weeks ago, I was 100 % sure of the way I envisioned my place in the future. Now it’s cut in two.

While writing this, I feel like someone who’s had something to make her change her stubborn mind. I hate it.

I was talking to my mom in the morning and she goes “Maybe you’re just bored, and you think leaving would answer that. I bet if you had a boyfriend, you’d never wanna go anywhere else.”

I let out a cackle. Instantly because I thought her theory was hilarious. A minute passed, enough to make her comment sink in, and I suddenly was scratching my head. Guess I felt a piece of truth in it. But just a small, immaterial piece.

I’m pretty bored, yes. But I disagree about making it the major reason I’ve been besieged with my dreams of flying elsewhere. It’s all been about the thrill of experiencing something new, and difficult. I keep saying I want things simple but my heart feeds on adventure.

I love to challenge myself.

You see I’m kind of a walking contradiction..

I keep saying how a lot of my fears surround me like fence wherein being alone scares me the most, but in my heart, I’ve always longed for independence.

I’m thrilled about going to an entirely foreign country where all I’d see are strange, blue eyes that do not have a single clue about who I am, what makes me smile, or cry or dream or scream.

I’d be like a big question mark, and I’ve nothing to prove.

Plus I really want to experience work there. To struggle and measure up. Be able to run. Win people’s confidence. Make my momma proud. And earning dollars or euros is nice too.

Plus autumn, and the snow and having a fireplace. When summer turns the world into a wonderful painting.

These imaginings make me want to pack my bags.

Then here comes a proposal of a lifetime. =)

I’m asking myself the same question he asked me. What can make you change your mind?

If somebody offers you a chance to be happy.
Grow old with you.
Be like a liquid paper to all the bad things that make you want to hate men.
Be the rock, when you’re the angry sea.
Be the one.

Would you change your mind?

*to be continued*

***
Tonight’s Tin’s baby shower. We’re all gonna sing for the baby. 7-12 midnight. Can't wait.
***
Someone’s going to be missed. Four days seem like four years to me. =)

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