Friday, July 21

intro

Allow me some introductions.

So you all know his name’s Emil.

People call him Emil, Mhil (with an H haha), Kuya, (by his siblings) Emiliano (when his mom’s mad). I call him Mahal. (Tin, are you reading this?)

I’ve to add that he has a nice last name (yeah, for some good reasons I wouldn’t have to be Mrs. Antibiotic anymore). This morning I was trying to scribble down my name with his last name and I was quite pleased. Not to say though that names have a say in my happiness. More than the name, it’s gotta be the man.

I never really thought I’d find this kind of security.

It was the one thing that escaped me for years. The feeling that makes you loosen your grip sometimes and you wouldn’t have to worry for a second that it’s gonna fly away.

Anyway about Emil, it was kind of unexpected (well, as most things are). But not in a way that scares the hell out of me. I’ve written before, he was the one that knocked on my door for a pretty long time.

I guess it was his constancy that won me over.

He’s my brother in the fraternity, college days. My “inaanak” during the initiation (yeah, I was already two years old when he was born, haha). I remember he used to call me “ninang”. He was this frail, young kid who dared to go on a “solo batch” to become one of us. I saw him whimper when our brods bullied him with that long, hard piece of wood. I remember him singing the frat hymn while he was standing on ice. The bruises, cigarette burns -- more than all these were the emotional punches. I remember him cry. But I especially remember him being brave.

He wasn’t the most active of the brods. He became really serious with his studies and it did pay off. He was able to finish his 5-yr course in 4 yrs. He became a master electrician at age 19. At 21 he was an electrical engineer.

We didn’t have a story together during those days. Our roads were kind of world’s apart. We both had our own relationships with other people. I hardly ever noticed him, though he tells me he had eyes for me from Day 1. (Well, flatteries, I’m not really sure if I’d buy them).

Anyway, I never really heard from him until about 3 years after my graduation, where he told me he felt something for me.

It was hard to say no. But I had ex # 5 during that time. I said no.

He tried some more. Still no.

Then after some time he came back. Still no.

I had reasons. Plans. Hang-ups. I had my cards laid out. I couldn’t remember how many times I turned him down. I saw him cried every time.

He never got tired of asking for a chance to erase all bad memories and replace them with good ones. A chance to make me smile. A chance to hear me laugh.

He continued to beg for a space somewhere in my plans. To just trust him. To just let him hold my hand.

He kept coming back.

It was his constancy that won me over.

* to be continued *







Wednesday, July 12

emil

I’m back.

Long story, so I’d just say I’ve been busy. My teammate’s on her maternity leave (she’d be having her first baby boy anytime this week!), I guess that’s a pretty clear explanation for my sudden disappearing act. Or maybe not?

Maybe something major happened to me.

Something that turned my world upside-down (in a nice way, fyi).

Something unexpected.

Something like a “finally’.

Something like a prayer suddenly answered (it gives me goose bumps just thinking about the signs I got from above).

Something I deserve.

Something that makes me happy, but sends butterflies to my heart.

Something so great I can’t write much about it. It’s like a beautiful story I can’t put in words.

For the first time I’m looking at the rain outside the window and I don’t feel like the window all dripping and sad.

Now I’ve someone to share my umbrella with.

His name is Emil. =)