Tuesday, August 29

bad day

Today’s not my favorite day.

I hear the Idol theme (Daniel Powter’s Bad Day) playing in my mind and I thought the song was made just for me. I can’t even fake a smile you know. Must really be bad.

Had a conversation with my parents that kind of turned into something like a knock on my head, like a wake up call or something. They couldn’t quite believe how I’ve managed to work for over 4 years already and yet not have become truly independent. How I’ve not really took steps to secure my future. How I’m an accountant and yet I’m poor at budgeting. Why I’m spending too much on living the good life. Why I’m simply spending too much.

Then there goes the issue about my perpetual discontent. Why I can’t be happy with what I have. How I turned out to have all those ambitions. Why I tire myself with running for the longest time. Why can’t I simply stop?

I feel bad. I guess that’s how the truth really comes to you. It pricks.

I look at myself now and I know my parents really know me well.

I’m in disarray.

Brets tells me at least I have a love life. At least when times like these come, I’ve a wall to pound. They say when you’re unlucky in your love life, your career’s gonna skyrocket. Then vice-versa. But I wonder why some people get to be lucky with both.

I don’t mean to sound greedy, but sometimes I wish I could have both.

Tuesday, August 22

honeymoon haha

Hello. This is soooo long overdue. It’s been two weeks since our Hongkong trip and I’m still groping for words to start off this entry…

Well I gotta try, right.

Ok. So I’d begin with a thank you for mahal. Big thank you *hugs & kisses*.

The Hongkong trip was his gift to me. Originally he planned to pop the question there…at the Disney Hollywood Hotel (which by the way is magical). But a few days before our trip, he couldn’t anymore bear the agony of waiting and he surprised me with a lovely diamond ring (which brought me to tears).

My friends teased me nonstop that it was gonna be our honeymoon.

Well indeed it was as sweet as honey… *wink, wink*

We did have a lot of our usual fights, sometimes they made me cry. But mahal loves me. And I love him. In the end, we’d always kiss and make up..

(so much for these stuffs, lemme just lay down the pics)…

at the HK airport (stolen shots kse bawal pla mag-picture sa loob)

sampan ride at aberdeen waiting for the dolphins at ocean park
penguins at ocean park
our castle at disneyland
disney at night
sunbathing at repulse bay
we rode the peak tram
at walk the peak, we're on top of the world now

HK was really magical. And 4 days arent enuf.

Especially when you're with the one you love. =)

Tuesday, August 15

yes










Monday, August 7

missing love

Yeah, there are days that I think of him and I miss him and I can do just fine. Then there are days when I think of him and I miss him and I know I have to be right next to him. But then there are days when I don’t even think of him yet I know I’m missing him and even sitting next to him still makes me miss him so.

I think this is the worst way to miss someone.

Just the way I did.

Funny how when we’re apart, the days are never-ending, like the world’s in slow-mo. All I can do is wait and wait and wait.

This kind of waiting is like a squeeze in my heart.

But then when we’re together, time isn’t always enough. We dread every goodbye… every goodnight… every evening prayer that we’re not holding hands.

How do you stop missing someone?

When do you stop missing someone?

If you stop missing someone, is it bad? Or is it good?

I don’t know.

I just miss him. *sigh*

Friday, August 4

peace of mind

*Let me just say that from this point going forward, I’ll be referring to Emil as Mahal (hmmmnn, sweet). Not only is this the way I call him, it’s also how I feel about him. Especially while writing this. =)

Mahal reminds me of the song Beautiful in My Eyes. (Now I have dreamy eyes haha). This line “You’re my peace of mind, in this crazy world”, it just melts my heart.

After all those blows in my past relationships, he came like the calm after the storm. Of course, coming from such a complicated past, I kind of had an issue about trusting anybody else again. Sure my doors never closed but it wasn’t easy letting someone in again.

I made it difficult for him but he simply told me love conquers all.

I guess I’ve been conquered.

He gave me my peace of mind.

Peace of mind.

My friend Jon-Jean tells me it’s the best kind of peace one can ever have.

I totally agree.

I think it’s a product of experiencing contentment in your heart. He emptied it of all excess baggage --- pain and angst and regrets and fears and then he filled it up with love. It weighed so much less than it did before.

He simplified my life. He taught me the joy in simple things. Sometimes whenever a dream dies, I lament like I lost the whole world. Now he’s slowly taught me that losses, just like everything else, is just a matter of perspective. He goes “Always look at the bright side of things.”

It’s also about security. I don’t need to try so hard to look good for him coz he finds me beautiful even when I forgot to comb my hair. I can sleep at night without worries of losing him the next day. Or fear of going through another storm again.

I can sleep with a smile in my face.

It’s a crazy world.

But I found my peace.

Thanks mahal. =)