Saturday, September 30

shaken

Yesterday was an extraordinary experience for me. Extraordinary in quite a frightening way.

When typhoon Milenyo was hurling its fury in the metro, I was out on the streets, trying to get myself home.

I saw for myself how the wind tore into the trees and the billboards and the many ‘yero’ flying everywhere. I felt how the wind tore into me, pushing my 43-kilo body back and forth…I was running against the wind, against the rain and I couldn’t even use my umbrella because the wind was only gonna take it away. I experienced desperation to find a safe place where no breaking glasses would hit me. I experienced being stranded, waiting for hours for a ride home. I experienced walking through the flood. I actually experienced fearing for my dear life.

You might think I’m overreacting but I honestly thought to myself, what if I die? I’ll die miserably. My death would be part of the casualties of the storm and it would be on the national papers, and my parents would be devastated. Mahal would totally break down.

It sounds a bit dramatic but the possibility was close.

What was making me weak inside was the thought that I was alone going through all that. Mahal wasn’t by my side. He was at work and the worst part was that I disobeyed him. He insisted that it wasn’t safe to go outside, but I didn’t listen. While I was in one of the bus that I was in, I was fighting the longing to pour all my fears into tears. Why hadn’t I listen? Why do I always have to be stubborn?

I looked at other people, ocean of people on the streets all damp like me, all scared… Made me feel more alone.

I wanted to really cry. I was in the bus, all damp and shivering but I tried so hard to hold myself up and think of home. That I could be home in a matter of hours. I kept assuring myself I could do it. I was praying non-stop.

This happened around 12 noon. At about 2 pm, the storm died down. Around 5 pm, I was home. It was impossible to reach Mahal in the office, nor my family’s phone in Bicol, but at least I was home.

I was safe.

Mostly, I was thankful.

Yesterday was an extraordinary experience for me. Extraordinary in a way that I would never forget.

Wednesday, September 27

arrgh

it's still the issue about discontent. i guess it's really never-ending. being human, they say its basic instict. but then i see other people living in simplicity and yet they're happy.
i would die to be on their shoes.

Tuesday, September 26

multiply

do check out my multiply account : www.maluwees.multiply.com

homecoming

two weeks ago, we went home to meet the parents. i met his family. he met mine. he had lunch over our house. i spent an entire day in their farm. in my thoughts, the meeting was to be really intimidating. but when i saw his mom, i knew i had been exaggerating.

she was the best. (not to be sipsip or anything, but she stands out from among my (ex) boyfriend's mommies i have met in the past. (plus the really exciting part that she was goin to be my mommy soon).

his sis was nice too. his dad was funny. his lolo has been really warm. no doubt he's a very good boy (hehe). it runs in the family.

it wasnt the hostile house i have imagined.

it was in fact a very friendly place. i loved the farm, the trees, the pigs, the pond, the nipa hut, the dogs, the cats, the love birds, the doves, the orchids, the 'duyan', his mom's paksiw.

it was a great homecoming.

some pics:
farmers
up on the avocado tree
lunchdate
sway my way
bahay-kubo
babe
fields of gold

bliss

it's been so, so, so long since i last pushed my pen.. so, so long, i feel like i no longer have a command with words. i don't even know how to start.

so much has happened, though the best thing about it is that for the longest time, i have been generally happy. i used 'generally' because even if it hasn't been a completely smooth sail, just the thought that someone's sailing with you takes away the weight, and the fear and the sadness.

yeah, i remember being a habitually whining 'single' girl with cold saturday nights and recurring pictures of failed realtionships. singing 'il never get over you getting over me' over and over again. totally breaking down when 'anything for you' plays on the radio. simply crying myself to sleep.

now it's different. i can listen to nina singing "but sometimes things don't work out right And you just have to say goodbye" and not feel hurt, or dispensable or disposable.

now i look forward to weekends, because then i'll be with him, and we'll make up for the whole week that we've been absent in each other's days.

i look forward, most especially to a future family photo of us -me, mahal and many, many beautiful kids. My dream home, my dream house. this is bliss...

from being single and heartbroken, now i'm engaged and whole and hopeful.

i've no regrets being on that phase in my life. somehow it's made me stronger and fuller. so that when the right one came, i had my arms wide open.

people say, if it isn’t a good ending, then it isn’t the end yet.
it's just a matter of waiting. and having faith.